I think my obsession with the healing powers of rain started when I was in 7th grade. There was this Disney Channel movie, Pixel Perfect, that I loved. I watched it as many times that I could. Part of it had to do with a story line that I have always loved. Girl and boy are friends, girl gets feelings for boy, boy doesn't realize her feelings and, after some sort of dramatic climax, boy realizes he loves girl too. However, the story line is not what sparked my love for rain. The closing song spoke about how rain and tears are almost the same thing. Both of them try to bring something new out of everything. Rain is a relief to many because it brings moisture and beauty to the world. Tears occur when something is happy or sad, but the sadness is most like the rain because it is always a mourning period that bring them on. Like rain, the tears allow me to let everything out I have been holding in. And just like when the rain stops, when the tears stop the light at the end of the tunnel appears and things start to feel better.
When it rains, I love it. It brings me joy because I know it is God's sign for me to start feeling better. Since March 22 it seems to have been raining so much. I remember that night in particular because it rained just before the pain that I am still having problems getting over began. I'm not going to go into the details at the moment because rain is the important subject of my writing today.
Growing up a tomboy, I always wanted to appear so tough. I thought crying was a sign of weakness and hated it when I would cry. However, my wonderful hormones decided to get the better of me. I am actually one of the biggest criers you will ever find. The irony is I get choked up and start creating rivers frequently because of movies and television. For whatever reason I cry wayyy to easily when I am watching something. Sometimes I only cry once, but there are still others that always bring on the tears. Some of those include Dear John, Tangled, Harry Potter 5, 6, and 7 part 1 (I'll let you know about part 2, but since I still cry each time I read the book I think it will make it's way to this list), and the strangest of all is Rudy. I love the movie Rudy, and not just because Notre Dame is my favorite team to follow in collegiate sports (don't laugh, they still have a great football program and more of you would see that if the NCAA would get their shit together and make a real bowl system), but because of the story behind it.
However, when I'm not watching movies and television shows, it takes a lot for me to cry. I still have the testosterone mindset that showing others your tears shows them your weaknesses as well. Even my absolute best friend has seen me cry once or twice in the five years I have known her. I remember that March night when a relationship ended before it really started and how much I was trying not to cry in front of him. I wouldn't look him in the eyes because I just couldn't let him see me like that. After that night I had a really busy weekend and I didn't even have time to cry. The ironic part is, once I did I finally started feeling better. Granted it is still not all healed now, but crying, like the rain, bring out growth once we let it come down.
It was raining last night and the rain started coming down, slow at first, and then it started coming down a lot quicker. I was having an alright day, but the rain was God telling me (for the millionth time) that everything will be okay. I just need time after the rain before I can see everything clear again.
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