Mixed Signals

Prior to writing this entry, I started typing three or four different one-different topics, different everything. I was having problems figuring out exactly what I wanted to write because every time I would begin to get to the point, I would forget what point I was trying to make. The only constant is the boy who is the inspiration behind most of my writing these days.

This boy has been the object of my affections since college started for the two of us. Him and I are both in the summer before junior year and our relationship has gotten stronger, but now, I'm afraid him and I might have been reduced to what we were before the beginning of sophomore year. Not that I'm complaining, totally, but we had a better relationship after. Him and I became best friends. It was easy for me to talk to him about anything that was bothering me and he was opening up to me as well. We had a strong relationship by the time winter break was finishing. That brings us to about mid-January. By the time the start of February came around, he FINALLY began to feel for me the way I felt for him. I was ecstatic. Nothing was able to bring me down.

Fast forward to the summer. After tears, hurt, and a lot of different events, our whirlwind of a romance ended about as quickly as it started. His big reason (although I still believe it's because he still needs to grow a pair) was he didn't want our friendship ruined. He felt it was easier, and blah, blah, blah. So fine, we're friends. One thing is different though, nothing has really changed from how it was before our friendship grew. We don't talk too often and it feels more like small talk than ever before. Am I just looking too much into things? Or is the friendship not as big a priority in his eyes as he led me to believe? Trust me, I know a lot of guys and I know he is included in the bunch that doesn't feel text messaging is a proper way to hold great conversations, but is it too much to ask for a little bit of recognition? I just feel we're back at square one and have no idea how to change what has possibly become less of a friendship that him and I have ever had.